Parents, Your grown children are not Your Spouse!

Marriage is a covenant between Husband and Wife; I don’t believe that there was anything that said the Father or Mother could override the covenant.
I have come across story after story of grown adult friends who have one thing in common, a mother or father-in-law that has a substitute spouse relationship with their daughter or son. The parent’s relationship has soured and they cling to their child for their emotional needs. Some have groomed their child since they were young to be subservient to their emotional needs. This is very destructive to the child’s relationship with their spouse. The daughter will cling to the father and comfort him and sympathize with him as he complains about his relationship with her mother. This will bring resentment between the mother and daughter as the daughter is upset for the things that the mother has allegedly done to the father, the mother upset for the daughter taking her place emotionally for the father.
The son-in-law is left wondering where his wife is for him as he sees her jump for the whims and needs of her father. She will take days to complete something her husband has asked her to do but she will not hesitate to type up paper work for her father’s business. In a church or social setting she will sit next to her father and interact with him with little time for her spouse. The mother is non-existent in the scene as she usually is quiet and withdrawn.
The Mother and Son relationship is where the mother is in control of her marriage and the husband is submissive to her and accepts or is content with the mother-son relationship as he wants to do his own thing and not be involved with household decisions. If the mother moves to another city the son will usually follow as he can’t function without her guidance and she will help him to be near her.
There are signs of these problems before the marriage but the young couple is in love and the parent has backed off as the relationship develops. Once the honeymoon stage has “worn” off the parent steps in to claim their territory. When the child and parent are together it is as if the other spouses are nonexistent. The parent child relationship has back door deals and projects that exclude the other spouses such as investments, business deals, trips, cruises, etc…
Parents, please bless your children when they become adults and let them be independent from you as they need to be self-sufficient to compete in the world and you will not always be there for them as you will die someday.
In their marriage let them bond with each other and remain dependent on themselves. Help advise them when they ask, but don’t bail them out of bad decisions as they have to feel the pain in order to not repeat those same mistakes. This is all for your own selfish reasons and not your child’s or your spouse’s. Fix your own relationship and stay out of your child’s. I know that some of you are in denial but look at your relationship and step back if this is you. Your child will thank you, as may your spouse.
Suck it up Crybaby
John the Baptist

One thought on “Parents, Your grown children are not Your Spouse!

  1. Yes I was in a relationship where the father spent more time with my wife then I did. We didn’t last very long and he didn’t seem bothered by our breakup. I felt sorry for his wife. Nice lady.

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